


let’s leave things the way they were (you’ll stay with me like a lullaby)

by fir8008



Category: Gugudan (Band), VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, First Love, Light Angst, Lost Love, Multi, Nonlinear Narrative, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-22 14:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16599875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fir8008/pseuds/fir8008
Summary: Sejeong isn’t marrying her first love but there’s something about the way the white tulle of her veil falls over her face that reminds Sejeong of her.





	let’s leave things the way they were (you’ll stay with me like a lullaby)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello! So twentygayteen for me was really cemented by Marina and the Diamonds finally coming back and her collab with Clean Bandit and Luis Fonsi is everything I didn't know I needed and as I was watching the music video I got an idea for this fic. Thus, this fic is heavily inspired by the music video for "Baby".
> 
> I haven't written for these fandoms before, so I hope that you enjoy it! (also pls no one talk to me about verb tenses i love writing nonlinear but verb tenses can suck an egg) 
> 
>  
> 
> Title comes from "Baby" by Clean Bandit ft. Marina and the Diamonds & Luis Fonsi

_(and the time runs out in four three two one…) ___

____

____

 

Sejeong is having a summer wedding. She isn’t marrying her first love, but there’s something about the way Mimi is helping her with her veil, the way the white tulle falls over her face, that reminds Sejeong of her. 

Mimi’s now fussing with her hair, finding knots and pushing a comb through them before rearranging the veil. Bora walks in with a bottle of wine and a bottle opener and gushes over how beautiful Sejeong looks. Haebin’s behind her, huffing about how Bora wanted them to drink straight out of the bottle but this was a civilized wedding with civilized people and therefore they would drink from glasses. Bora’s silently flapping her jaw, mocking Haebin’s lecturing and Sejeong can’t help but laugh. 

Haebin pours them each a glass (only filling it halfway, much to Bora’s chagrin) and proposes a toast. 

“To our beautiful bride, Sejeong, on the day of her wedding,” Haebin lifts her glass. 

“To Sejeong!” her friends chorus as they clink their glasses together. 

 

There’s a soft knock at the door and when Bora opens it, Sojin is waiting on the other side. 

“Can I come in?” she asks.

“Of course!” Sejeong says and opens her arms for a hug. 

Sojin embraces her tightly. “You look beautiful, Sejeong!” And then softly, in her ear, “Nayoung’s really sorry she couldn’t make it.”

Sejeong freezes. 

“Sojin!” Mimi says. “Where’s your special lady friend? Our Sejeong was so moved you wanted to bring her, but where is she?” 

Sojin releases Sejeong and laughs. “You’ll meet her at the reception. I still have to run and pick her up; I wanted to say hello first.” 

Mimi pouts as Sojin continues to reassure her that yes, they will all meet her girlfriend. 

Sojin had come out a couple of months before the wedding, when they had all gathered for brunch to celebrate Sejeong’s engagement and upcoming nuptials. Sojin had seemed like she had something on her mind and then finally once they had worked through their stacks of Western style pancakes, she cleared her throat delicately. 

“There’s something I need to tell everyone,” Sojin had begun, her calm looking smile not being quite enough to hide the fact she was nervous. “It’s something I haven’t been able to say, but now I’m ready.” 

“Tell us, Sojin-ah,” Bora had leaned forward, resting her chin on the heel of her palm. 

Sojin bit her lip. “I’ve been seeing someone.” 

Mimi squealed. “Oh, Sojin, congratulations!” 

“I’m really happy, and even though I worried a lot about saying anything, I really want to tell you all.” 

Sejeong had sensed what Sojin was about to say, but she couldn’t be sure. 

Sojin took a deep breath. “I’m a lesbian. I’m dating a woman.” 

“That’s nice. What’s her name?” Haebin smiled. 

Sojin blinked rapidly. “Is… is that all?” 

“We’re best friends,” Bora nodded. “Of course, that’s all.” 

“Is she really pretty?” Mimi asked. 

Sejeong’s eyes stung. She was remembering someone else telling her with a quiet confidence about her sexuality. Back then Sejeong wasn’t as sure about many things. 

“Sejeong-ah?” Sojin’s voice trembled a bit. 

“Oh, oh, she’s crying,” Haebin wrapped her napkin around her pointer finger delicately and began to blot at Sejeong’s tears. 

“I’m sorry,” Sejeong snuffled. “I don’t mean to cry. I’m just sorry you ever felt like you couldn’t tell us this.” 

Sojin grabbed her hand. “No, I’m sorry I thought you wouldn’t react well.” 

Mimi drummed her fingers on the table. “What’s her name? When can we meet her?”

Sojin’s cheeks were pink. “Her name is Xiening. She’s Chinese, we go to the same university. I was wondering,” she turned her eyes to Sejeong, “if she could be my plus one to Sejeong’s wedding.” 

“Of course!” Sejeong was still crying, thinking about someone else who went to Sojin’s university (and gosh, was Sojin’s university just full of lesbians?) 

“Why is she still crying?” Haebin sighed as she continued to wipe Sejeong’s tears. 

“I’m really happy, I swear,” Sejeong blubbered. “I just have my period!” 

Her friends had all groaned sympathetically for her as they patted her shoulders and understood that Sejeong was just more emotional when her hormones were unstable like they were.

 

Sejeong hadn’t forgotten, maybe she had just repressed the memory a bit. She felt like she was doing a good job of repressing it, and anyway, she was pretty sure she had moved on by the time Sojin actually said it first. Sejeong had already been dating Hakyeon for over a year. 

“Do you know who I have in one of my classes?” Sojin had asked during one of their girls’ nights out. “You remember Kim Nayoung from camp? She’s in one of my music theory classes! It’s such a small world!” 

Kim Nayoung, of course Sejeong remembered Kim Nayoung. Beautiful Kim Nayoung. Kim Nayoung, Sejeong’s first love. 

They spent one summer at camp in the countryside. It was the kind of camp that distributed unflattering polo shirts as uniforms even though it was girls only. They had met Nayoung there. She was the sixth occupant of their cabin and quickly and easily fell into stride with their own group because they all had common interests and it was just easy. Sejeong liked Nayoung a lot because she was funny and sweet and always looked at Sejeong like she was the only person in the room. 

Sejeong felt her heart beat faster whenever Nayoung looked at her like that. 

They’d spent every moment together, Nayoung’s husky voice sticking in Sejeong’s ears, making her eager to hear Nayoung calling her name.

“Sejeong-ah!” 

“Yes, unnie?” 

Nayoung held out her hand. “Let’s go.”

Sejeong remembers campfires, and sitting beside Nayoung, holding her hand and leaning on her shoulder, singing songs and toasting marshmallows. Sejeong remembers candy rings and sliding one onto Nayoung’s finger jokingly and Nayoung’s eyes that were illuminated by the glow of the campfire. 

Sejeong remembers feeling like this would last forever, that she wanted this feeling to last forever. 

It’s a wilderness camp at heart, meaning they have to do chores through manual labor, including laundry. No one minds washing the laundry, since they sit around the stream with wooden washboards and chatter the afternoon away. Bora sticks the washboard under her shirt and it pulls the fabric tight but she invites the other girls to touch her “washboard abs” and Sejeong laughs until she has a painful stitch in her side. She and Nayoung carry the basket of laundry to the clothesline by the camp counselors’ cabins and hang up all of the bedsheets they’d spent the better part of the afternoon scrubbing. 

The next day was sunny so they lay out in their bathing suits by the stream, trying to catch rays. Nayoung is laying down closest to Sejeong, eyes closed. Sejeong is trying to not stare, but Nayoung is so slim and her abs look ideally flat. Sejeong is pretty skinny herself, but Nayoung somehow looks more mature in her eyes. Sejeong had spread out beside Nayoung, the sounds of Mimi squealing as Bora and Sojin tossed her into the stream fading into the background. The sun felt so warm on her skin and Sejeong had felt all of her thoughts melting away. 

When she opened her eyes, Nayoung was staring at her. 

“Sejeong-ah,” Nayoung said. “You’re really beautiful.” 

Sejeong’s face had suddenly felt hot, but she grabbed Nayoung’s hand and pulled her along so they could take a running leap into the cold stream. 

 

One of the groomsmen visits later, knocking before he enters, and walking in while covering his eyes. It’s Wonshik. 

“Can I come in? Is everyone decent?” 

Bora throws a sock at him. “You’re so dumb, it’s not bad luck for you to see the bride.” 

Wonshik uncovers his eyes. “But it would be bad luck for me to see your face.” 

Bora balls up a pair of pants and throws it at him. “Get out! Why are you even here!” 

“Just saying hello to the bride,” he snorts. He kisses Sejeong on the cheek. “You look so beautiful. You’re going to make Hakyeon cry.” 

“Thank you,” Sejeong smiles. 

“But Sejeong-ah,” Wonshik leans in closer. “Do you want Hakyeon to wear insoles? He was wearing them when he met you. Should he wear them for the ceremony? You are wearing heels.” 

Sejeong laughs so hard her eyes start to tear up and Bora kicks Wonshik out, complaining that he’s going to ruin Sejeong’s makeup. 

 

They’re laying under the shade of a big tree when Nayoung rolls over to whisper in Sejeong’s ear. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” Nayoung whispers. 

“Of course, unnie,” Sejeong whispers back. 

Nayoung cups her hands over Sejeong’s ear. “Does Sejeongie know that I like girls?” 

 

Mimi’s finished adjusting her veil and Bora finishes touching up Sejeong’s makeup while Haebin smooths out Sejeong’s dress. Sojin left earlier to go pick up her girlfriend. 

“Are you ready?” Haebin asks, smiling. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Sejeong answers. She feels butterflies in her stomach as she looks at herself in the mirror. She recognizes herself, Bora didn’t go so heavy handed on makeup that Sejeong looks like someone else. 

“Who knew our Sejeongie would be the first one to tie the knot,” Bora chirps. 

“You could be next,” Mimi elbows Bora. “Wonshik’s a catch.” 

Bora gags. “As if. I’ll be sure to run away from the bouquet when Sejeong throws it.” 

Haebin just sighs at them before turning to Sejeong. “I need to go down there and make sure everything’s ready for the congratulatory song,” Haebin kisses Sejeong’s cheek. “You look beautiful, Sejeong-ah. I’m so happy for you.” 

“Thank you, unnie,” Sejeong smiles at Haebin. 

It’s thanks to Haebin that Sejeong met Hakyeon. Haebin was doing a musical at their university and Sejeong had gone to support her. Likewise, Hakyeon had been there to support one of his friends, Taekwoon. Haebin had been the one to suggest they all go and have drinks after the show. Hakyeon and Sejeong hadn’t exactly hit it off, but through their stunted small talk Sejeong was able to gather that Hakyeon was a sweet and caring guy, and probably very funny, and also very male. So at the end of the night when Hakyeon and Taekwoon decided to pick up the tab, and Hakyeon had shyly asked Sejeong if he could have her number, and if she wanted to get coffee with him sometime, Sejeong said yes. 

Coffee turned into lunch turned into movies and dinner in nicer restaurants turned into Sejeong standing in front of the door to her apartment and asking Hakyeon if he’d like to come in and stay a little longer. Sejeong does make the first move that evening, laying her hand on Hakyeon’s knee and leaning in to kiss him. They don’t do it that night, Hakyeon being gentlemanly and seeing himself out after a couple more chaste kisses. 

It takes longer than Sejeong thinks it will, and she wonders if Hakyeon doesn’t want her like that. It would sting if they were to break up now, their friend group has only grown more intertwined because Bora and Mimi are coincidentally classmates with more of Hakyeon’s friends, Wonshik and Hongbin. Breaking up now would be uncomfortable, but luckily Sejeong had only been stressing herself out. 

Hakyeon walks her back to her apartment one night after a date and Sejeong invites him in. Hakyeon kisses her after they come inside, laying his hands on her waist and pulling her closer. They lay down on Sejeong’s bed, Sejeong suddenly not knowing what to do. Hakyeon is six years older than her and he holds her with his very sure hands, talking to her in a gentle voice, asking her for permission before doing anything at all. 

He holds her like she’ll break and Sejeong cries after her first time, Hakyeon stroking her hair and telling her that he loves her a lot. Sejeong tries to say she’s sorry for crying but Hakyeon tells her that she shouldn’t be embarrassed to cry. 

They keep dating afterwards, going places hand in hand, eventually moving in together, and Sejeong can’t help but feel this is what her life is supposed to be like. 

 

Sejeong had never given any consideration about whether she liked boys or girls. She hadn’t been aware she had an option to like girls. But Nayoung likes girls and Nayoung makes her heart beat faster and Nayoung is beautiful and Sejeong knows that she likes Nayoung. 

She and Nayoung are hanging laundry again, and the day is breezy so Sejeong keeps getting tangled in the sheets. 

“Unnie!” Sejeong is pushing at white fabric endlessly. “Nayoung unnie!” 

Then, the sheet is being lifted from her, like a bride being unveiled, but Nayoung is the one lifting the sheet off and she leans in to kiss Sejeong. 

Sejeong doesn’t remember much of the kiss, she remembers the fireworks going off in her head, the pounding of her heart. She remembers Nayoung pulling away and dropping the veil back over her, plunging Sejeong back into that seemingly confined space where things felt removed from reality. 

She remembers the reprimanding they got afterwards. She remembers sitting side by side in the camp counselor’s cabin being told someone had seen them kiss and then ran her mouth. She remembers the words that counselor used to describe that behavior, and how it made her insides shrivel up. She remembers trying to reach for Nayoung’s hand - an act of defiance, or just for comfort - and remembers Nayoung pushing her hand away, her jaw set in a firm line. 

She remembers they don’t bring it up ever again and it breaks Sejeong’s heart. Camp ends, Sejeong goes back to her everyday life, graduates high school, and doesn’t think about Nayoung.

 

Sejeong and Hakyeon aren’t getting married because Sejeong’s pregnant. Precisely the opposite. They’re getting married because Sejeong isn’t pregnant. 

Now, Sejeong can’t even remember why they thought she could have been pregnant - torn condom, missed period, just a feeling - but it had set them both on edge until Hakyeon took it upon himself to buy Sejeong a bunch of pregnancy tests and told her to take them. Sejeong wonders if she’s ready to be a mom, or if Hakyeon is ready to be a dad, or if they are ready collectively to take care of a life together. 

When the test shows she isn’t pregnant, Sejeong cries because she’s relieved, because while waiting for the test to show its result she realized at least she wasn’t ready for a baby. But Hakyeon. She’s ready for Hakyeon, and life with Hakyeon, and a baby in the (far) future. 

So Sejeong shows the negative test and tearfully asks Hakyeon if he wants to get married. 

“Isn’t that what you say when you’re pregnant?” Hakyeon tries to joke with her, probably unnerved by her tears and her sudden proposal.

“I was sitting there asking myself if I was ready to have a life with you and I am. I’m not ready for a baby, but I’m ready for the next step,” Sejeong is sobbing and Hakyeon pulls her into his arms and holds her close. 

“I want to marry you too,” Hakyeon tells her softly. “But you’re really freaked out right now. We both just got a shock. Let’s not rush any decisions, okay?” 

Sejeong manages to nod, trying to organize her chaotic thoughts. Hakyeon isn’t telling her no; Hakyeon is being reasonable by telling her they both need to wait. So they do wait, Sejeong trying to bask in the relief of not becoming a mom before she’s ready. 

It’s another week and Sejeong begins to worry maybe the test was wrong but then she gets her period and the cramps are otherworldly, like her body was paying her back for thinking her biological functions were wrong. Sejeong’s writhing around, clutching an ice pack to her gut, and trying to ignore the pain. Hakyeon rubs her stomach when he gets home from work and it helps a bit. 

It’s different though when he rests something on her stomach. It’s an open ring box with a ring in it. Sejeong blinks up at him. 

“Do you still want to marry me?” Hakyeon asks.

It still takes a moment to register. Sejeong punches Hakyeon in the arm. “What a terrible proposal! Ask me properly or I won’t say yes!” 

Hakyeon laughs so hard it takes him a moment for him to slide off their bed so he can settle himself on one knee. “Kim Sejeong, will you marry me?” 

“Yes, yes, I will,” Sejeong holds out her hand and Hakyeon slides the ring on her finger (it’s a real one, it’s not made of candy) and Sejeong’s eyes water thinking about if this is really the happiest she’s ever been.

 

Sejeong walks down the aisle and it feels like a dream. Hakyeon and his line of hysterically tall groomsmen and Sejeong’s own bridesmaids wait for her at the end, and she passes by so many friends from all parts of her life, as well as their families that are about to be blended. Through her veil, she can see a beautiful lady beside Sojin, she must be Xiening, the girlfriend. Sejeong smiles to herself, glad that Sojin didn’t feel like she needed to hide anymore. 

Hakyeon lifts her veil off and Sejeong smiles up at him. She can’t tell offhand if Wonshik actually conveyed a message about insoles because Sejeong’s heels are higher than the ones she typically wears. Hakyeon is smiling at her so brightly, and his eyes are sparkling. 

When it comes to the part in the ceremony where everyone is asked if anyone objects to the marriage, Sejeong’s head snaps to the doors of the chapel and she holds her breath. She doesn’t know what she’s waiting for, as if she’s expecting Nayoung to be standing there in all her glory to protest against the marriage, as if Nayoung would be there, tall and blonde (since Sojin mentioned she had bleached her hair) and beautiful.

But no one says anything, and Hakyeon slides a wedding band on her finger, and Sejeong does the same for him. They kiss and Sejeong can see camera flashes behind her closed eyes and the applause of those in attendance. 

Hakyeon is a dancer so he spins Sejeong around the dancefloor until her feet hurt and she has to take off her shoes, breathless and laughing hard. 

The girls get introduced to Xiening properly and she smiles at them bashfully and congratulates Sejeong on her marriage. Mimi immediately takes a shine to her and proclaims loudly that Sojin has really good taste in girls. 

When it’s time for Sejeong to toss her bouquet the fates seem to decide that Bora, despite her desire to not catch the bouquet, needs to catch it because Sejeong basically throws it over her shoulder and it hits Bora in the face so she unconsciously catches it. Haebin and Mimi are laughing at her hysterically (and even harder when Wonshik asks Bora to dance and she hits him with her newly caught bouquet). 

Sejeong shoves wedding cake in Hakyeon’s face and he laughs so broadly that Sejeong can’t help but laugh with him, especially when he wipes icing on her face (being mindful of the makeup Bora worked so hard on). He kisses her, and Sejeong can taste sugar. 

Sejeong isn’t marrying her first love, and her first love isn’t here to see her marry someone else. Sejeong may not be marrying her first love, but that doesn’t mean she’s unhappy. Hakyeon kisses her again and Sejeong throws her arms around his shoulders so he can pick her up and twirl her around a little more.

**Author's Note:**

> you can follow me on Twitter @jy_kim8008 !! 
> 
> stan gugudan


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